dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
