Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
