that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm passing your future prison.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize