Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
