It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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