just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
