Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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