so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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