I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
