great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I need water and some morals
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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