She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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