I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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