Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Where is the hickey?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
