3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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