i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
