Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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