I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just forgot I was standing up.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
