Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
