the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize