I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
