Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize