Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
