i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
