i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
