I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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