Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize