you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
