i think i have two assholes
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
