I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Drunk is not a location!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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