Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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