tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
