If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
