listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
