Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
