You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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