This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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