you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
