just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
