Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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