I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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