Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize