I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
