soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
