thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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