i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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