i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The struggles of a small town man whore
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
