All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
