dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
