im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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