I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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