I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
