I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
