wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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