You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
