I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
