he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
These tits shall not be calmed
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