The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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