So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
