dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize