He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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