WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
