Can i not drive my cunt home
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
