Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
