Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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