Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
