It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
