I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
