I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
