It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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