I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
