im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
