jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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