literally had 100 drinks last night.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
