Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
