she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
