No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
