Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
