Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
