I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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