I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
