I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize