I hate your face
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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