If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
