Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
