you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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