my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
