that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
