Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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