You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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