I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize