I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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