You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
