I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
