OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
