I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We're too hungover to prance.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
