she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
